


A Year in Review

by Imogen_Penn



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 2018 ShieldShock Christmas Fix Exchange, F/M, Fluff, So late.., Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 04:09:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17379266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imogen_Penn/pseuds/Imogen_Penn
Summary: Written for the 2018 Steve / Darcy Holiday Exchange for Buffybot76. I didn't do too good with hitting all the prompts, and I did very bad with getting it out on time, but hopefully this extra large pile of fluff makes up for that...What a difference a year can make...





	A Year in Review

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Buffybot76](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buffybot76/gifts).



Year in Review

**New Years Eve**

Darcy had some reservations about getting involved with Stark Industries, first as Jane’s assistant, and then as Tony’s Stark’s, but she had to admit, the staff parties couldn’t be beat.

She was standing on the edge of the expansive outdoor space near the top of Avengers Tower, looking over the New York skyline as the year came to an end.

“Darcy!” she heard Clint Barton’s voice behind her, his wife Laura on his arm as he came towards her. “I’ve been looking for you all over!”

She grinned. She liked Clint. He was…somehow more comfortable than the other Avengers living at the tower, a bit closer to normal. “You’ve been swamped all evening,” she said as they approached, “s’not my fault you’re so popular.”

“Naw, not me, her,” Clint said with a wave, “Darce, this is my wife Laura. Laura, this is Darcy Lewis.”

While Darcy had heard a lot about Laura and Clint’s children, she hadn’t had the chance to meet them yet, and she had been looking forward to the opportunity.

“Darcy!” Laura said, her eyes alight, “I’m so happy to finally meet you. Clint says you’re the only one keeping these weirdos sane around here.”

“If this is sane,” said Darcy returning the hug, “I don’t want to see the crazy”.

“You really don’t” a low voice came from behind her, startling her as she turned around.

Two of the most ridiculously handsome men she had _ever_ seen were standing there, looking like they just walked out of a magazine shoot.

“Rogers, Barnes!” Laura turned to them happily, “you made it!”

“I know better than to turn down a request from you Mrs. Barton,” the other man said, his tone polite but his eyes twinkling.

“Don’t you Mrs. Barton me,” Laura said, punching the blonde who had spoken in the arm to what looked like absolutely no effect.

“Darce,” said Clint, pulling her closer to the group by the arm, “meet James Barnes and Steve Rogers,” he said first gesturing at the brunette and then the blonde.

She was immediately aware that Clint was casually introducing her to the Winter Soldier and Captain Fucking America. Well, at least she looked her best.

“Hey,” she said holding out her hand, “great to finally meet you. I’ll do you the favour of ignoring everything Clint has ever told me about you”.

Barnes tipped his head back and let out a laugh, “You’re too kind doll.”

Turning to Steve, she caught an odd look in his eye, appraising maybe. It was somewhat intimidating to be getting a once over from Captain America.

“What about what he’s been tellin’ us about you?” he asked as his hand closed large and warm around her own, holding on just a moment more than what was required. “You really the girl who took down Thor?”

She raised an eyebrow. She wasn’t entirely sure that he wasn’t _flirting_ with her. She was not one to let an opportunity pass by.

“Sure am Cap,” she said, “in fact, I’ve got my taser on me right now, so you better watch yourself.”

This time, he was definitely giving her a once over, a long look up and down her body, dressed in a form fitting black dress.

“Where?” he let out, almost immediately blushing to the tips of his ears and stammering, “sorry, that was rude…”

Barnes beside him let out a poorly disguised laugh and slapped his friend on the back. “Just about midnight punk,” he said, “I’m going to find Nat.”

“Jerk”, Steve mumbled as his friend walked purposefully away.

The countdown was, I fact, beginning and Clint was whispering something into Laura’s ear as the Times Square ball began to drop in the distance.

So there she was, awkwardly standing next to Captain America as the clock struck midnight and the crowd shouted “Happy New Year!”. In the moments after, as everyone close by was kissing their loved ones (or someone they’d just met at the party) Darcy made eye contact with Steve.

Steve, however, quickly shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away.

Well. That was a heck of a start to the year.

**Memorial Day**

She was roused at an ungodly hour for a Saturday to the sounds of crashing and cursing coming from somewhere outside of her door.

She looked blearily at her alarm clock.

6:15 am.

On a SATURDAY.

She rolled out of bed, not bothering to do anything more than shove her feet into slippers, and tore open her front door, ready to give someone a piece of her mind.

What she saw had her rooted to the floor, her month gaping like a fish.

Captain Rogers, in a very tight t-shirt, was trying to wrestle a very large couch through his door without much success.

She snapped her mouth shut quickly, determined not to let a nice pair of arms….okay, a nice everything… distract her from her goal.

She cleared her throat sharply.

He dropped the corner of the couch he was holding and whipped around to face her, the look on his face immediately softening as he saw her.

“Ms. Lewis,” he said with a friendly smile, “how are you?”

“How am I?” she said, a dangerous curve to her eyebrow. “Captain, do you have any idea what time it is?”

“Uh…not really,” he said sheepishly, “morning?”

“It is 6:15am,” she said stiffly, “on a Saturday. On a HOLIDAY weekend.”

He winced, “Did I wake you?” he cast his glance downwards for a moment, and then quickly cast his gaze aside, the tips of his ears turning pink.

Darcy resolutely ignored the fact that she was standing there in a loose white t-shirt, very short sleep shorts, bunny slippers, and absolutely nothing else.

“You sure did,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Well, damn,” he said, settling against the arm of the couch with a sigh, “and here I had this whole plan to come apologize once I had moved in.”

She tilted her head to this side, “apologize?”

“For New Years,” he said with a shrug.

She cast her mind back, “what about New Years?” she asked, her curiosity getting the better of her morning grumpiness.

“Well, at midnight…I didn’t…I don’t know what the tradition is anymore, and didn’t want to… but I guess its basically the same, and you were right there, and I…” he trailed off awkwardly, running a hand through his hair.

“Captain,” she started incredulously.

“Steve, please,” he said, stopping her.

“Steve,” she continued, “are you apologizing for not kissing me at midnight?”

“Well,” he said slowly, “Yes, I guess I am.”

A tiny laugh broke from her lips, “Well that is one of the oddest apologies I’ve ever had,” she said, wakefulness spreading through her, along with a pleasant warmth that she chose to ignore.

“Sorry Ms. Lewis, I didn’t…” Steve began.

“It’s Darcy,” she said, “since we’re apparently neighbours and all”. She had known in theory that the Captain and Barnes were moving into the tower for strategic reasons that she was not privy to, but apparently Stark had not thought it important to tell her little things like when they were arriving and that Rogers, at least, was now her neighbour. Typical.

“Right,” he said, a little smile ticking up at the corner of his mouth, “well in that case maybe we could just forget my odd apology entirely and start over?”

“No way,” Darcy said with a grin, “its one of my favourite apologies ever.” Deciding that she was giving up on any further anger at the early morning wake up, she walked over to his door. “In fact, it was so sweet that I’m going to help you out of your misery.”

He looked at her with a quirked brow, but that smile was still hanging around too.

She depressed a small, square section of the wall to the left of the door. A previously invisible line in the wall appeared, a section of the wall above three feet wide moved towards them and then slid away, making the doorway to his apartment twice as wide.

The wedged in sofa dropped unceremoniously onto Steve’s foot and he let out a curse.

“Ta da!” Darcy said with a flourish.

“Hey,” Steve looked up from his abused foot with realisation, “thanks!”

“Don’t mention it,” she said walking back to her door, “and Steve?” she stopped in the doorway.

“Hm?” he acknowledged, looking at the expanded door opening with interest.

“If you ever wake me up before 10am on a weekend again, I cannot be held responsible for the repercussions, got it?”

“Yes ma’am” he said, with a little salute and an expression of apprehension that Darcy found quite gratifying as she closed the door behind her and flopped back into bed.

**Independence Day**

“Tony, no”. Darcy was using her firmest voice.

“Tony yes!” said Tony gleefully.

She let out a huff of annoyance.

“Steve!” she hollered in the general direction of the party behind her.

Only moments later Steve came wandering over, standing close enough that she could feel his body heat in the approaching cool of the summer evening.

“Steve, my favourite neighbour,” she said cajolingly, “will you please tell Tony that he should not light of a metric fuck ton of fireworks from the balcony without getting a permit?”

Steve could usually be counted on to use his captain voice and pull Tony in line when Darcy was desperate.

Usually.

“I dunno,” he said, throwing an arm around her shoulder, “sounds fun.”

“Cap,” said Tony with feeling, “your birthday is doing wonders for you.” He then scurried off.

Darcy turned to look at Steve, his face awfully close to hers, her eyebrow arched dangerously.

Steve had, since that first day, been unquestionably her best neighbour ever. He invited her over when he cooked too much food, he picked up groceries for her when he went to fetch his own, and was willing to do little projects around her place when he was available. He was always willing to give her a “mans opinion” on an outfit before she went out on a date. Although his opinion was inevitably “you look beautiful,” it still made her feel good.

She liked him, they got along. It did not hurt that he was hotter than hell. Although she tried to ignore that part most of the time. She got the feeling Steve didn’t have many friends that weren’t trying to save the world with him. She had also seen, the one time they had left the tower together to grab a coffee, that most people he met were either star struck or immediately looking to use him for fame, power or, most often, sex.

She was pretty committed to being just a normal friend for him.

However, as he smirked back at her and squeezed her shoulder, he might be about to turn into an enemy.

“Aw, come on Darce,” he said, “live a little.”

“Live a little?” she said in surprise, pushing him away so she could search his face.

He looked disappointed.

“Steven Grant Rogers,” she said slowly, “are you _drunk?_ ”

“No!” he said quickly, “At least…not _very_.”

Darcy whipped her head around and caught sight of Thor from across the balcony, decked out for the Fourth of July with picnic tables, barbeques, benches and a hell of a lot of red, white, and blue. He was holding a silver decanter aloft and making some grand gestures to a James Barnes who looked…loose.

“Thor brought the good stuff?” she asked wearily.

“Thor brought the good stuff.” He confirmed with a grin.

She sighed. She had been doing her level best to make sure there was at least one relatively sober and responsible adult at this party, but there was no point in that once the supers started getting into it. There was no keeping them in line.

Like he was a mind reader, Steve leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, “Guess that means there’s no point in you working so hard any more.”

She sighed, but she couldn’t stop the smile pulling at her lips.  Steve looked relaxed in a way that she didn’t see very often. It was a good look on him.

“I guess so Rogers,” she said “so you better go bring me a stiff drink.”

He snapped to attention and saluted her with a wink before hurrying off towards the full bar set up close to the back of the balcony.

She smiled as she watched him go. She supposed she had been reigning things in a bit tight. After all, its not like every single person on this balcony couldn’t really effectively take care of themselves. Well, maybe not Jane, but she had Thor.

She liked to think that she worked so hard to keep everything in line so things went smoothly for all of them at the tower. They had enough to think about without worrying about keeping a party supplied and making sure no one stepped on broken glasses.

Then again, she thought as she watched Steve heading back with a precarious pile in his hand, they probably wouldn’t even care about something so mundane as stepping on glass.

“What in the hell is all this?” she asked with a laugh as Steve set everything he was carrying down on a nearby table.

“No questions Lewis,” he said, “I’m in charge now.” And then he _winked_ at her. It was kind of saucy too.

“You know what,” she said, “I’m just going to go with this.” She plopped down in a chair. “But if I feel terrible tomorrow morning, you’re making me breakfast.”

“You say that like it’s a punishment,” said Steve with a smile. “Now drink this,” he shoved a shot glass at her. “And I saved you some of the good kind of potato salad because I know you haven’t stopped to eat yet, workaholic.”

An hour later, she was beginning to think that Thor’s Asgardian booze should be welcome at all of the parties. None of the normally sober people, being Steve, Bucky, and Nat, were anything close to _drunk_. But they were just loose enough to let go of some of that tension that rode on all of them and have fun.

Steve and Bucky were currently hurling a frisbee at each other, making impossible looking trick shots, to cheers and boos from the rest of them. It had only taken about two minutes before Clint turned their sport into a drinking contest.

As Bucky failed to copy one of Steve’s shots, she good naturedly took a gulp of her beer.

“You bet on him?” Steve called out, looking scandalized.

“I wanted to _drink_ Rogers,” she hollered back.

“Hey!” yelled Bucky.

She grinned unrepentantly.

The game came to an end when the Frisbee went way way long, over the balcony and soaring over the skyline.

It was probably for the best really. Darcy was right at the edge of not wanting another drink.

“Hey,” said Steve, coming up beside her and bumping her hip.

“Hey you,” she said, “nice moves out there.”

“Still can’t believe you bet on Buck,” he said with mock indignation.

“Aw, you know my money is always on you Rogers,” she said, elbowing him playfully.

She shivered as the cooling night air shifted around her bare shoulders and legs, her yellow sundress not doing much to protect her.

“Here,” said Steve, pulling her over to a nearby bench and tugging her hand until she sat down beside him. He swept a blanket over their knees and pulled off his button down, draping it over her shoulders.

“Smooth Rogers,” she said with a grin, “you sure you’re not going to freeze?” she looked at his arms, bared under the sleeves of his t-shirt for just a hint too long.

“Naw, I run warm,” he said, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. She could feel the heat of him soaking into her skin. “You good?” he asked.

“I’m great,” she said, smiling up at him.

He was looking at her in a way she didn’t quite recognize. They didn’t really know each other well, and Steve was a pretty private guy, but now there was an…openness in his expression.

He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You look real pretty tonight Darce,” he said, looking at her steadily.

It wasn’t the first time a man had told her she was pretty, but the way Steve said it was something a bit different. It seemed to her like he just wanted to say it, didn’t have an agenda or expectation, just wanted her to know.

It was kind of breathtaking.

“I…” she started, “Uh, thank you.” She was aware that she was blushing to the roots of her hair.

He grinned at her and nodded. He didn’t seem like he wanted to make anything more of it. Darcy wasn’t sure whether she was disappointed or not.

But when the fireworks started, and she got caught up in the magic of the moment, it didn’t seem to matter what he had meant by it, or what he was thinking.

She was, in that moment, happy in a very uncomplicated way. She tucked herself in closer to Steve’s side and curled her feet up beside her on the bench, watching the colors burst in the sky while Steve’s fingers drew patterns on her shoulder where his arm rested.

It was still uncomplicated when he walked her to her door later than night. His warmth and his earthy and comfortable smell enveloped her as he wrapped her up in a hug and pressed a kiss to her hair.

“Sleep well, doll,” he said with a wink.

“Breakfast?” she asked him with a sleepy smile.

“Of course,” he said, “I made a promise to a lady.”

**Labor Day**

“Aw come on!” Steve hurled a few kernels of popcorn at the big screen in the tower common room.

“Jeez, calm down there Cap” she said smother a grin, “I promised you a happy ending in this one.”

“But how could she ever forgive him after that?” he asked, looking pained.

“Patience, grasshopper,” she patted him on the knee, “there is more going on that you yet know.”

He huffed and flopped back against the couch, but she could see the grin.

“Just so long as it’s not like My Girl,” he said.

Darcy grinned. When Steve had asked about her favorite childhood movies, she told him that he didn’t know what he was getting into. He had scoffed, but had been trying to disguise sniffles with manly coughs most of the movie.

It had been heart squeezingly adorable.

“It’s not like My Girl,” she said, grabbing onto Steve’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

“Captain!” Clint came barreling into the common room top speed, and Darcy dropped Steve’s hand and moved a few inches away guiltily before she realized that nothing had been happening. Weird.

Clint looked at them curiously, but didn’t comment “Wheels up in 10,” he said. “We’ve got a situation in DC.”

Steve immediately got off the couch as Darcy paused the movie. He nodded at Clint and the other man turned and hustled off.

“I won’t watch the end without you,” she said, her smile a little stiff.

It wasn’t like Steve hadn’t been out on missions since he had come to the tower, but those were of the carefully planned kind. It was the first “urgent situation” the team had seen in while.

“You better not,” he said softly, “wish me luck?”

“Luck,” she said, stepping in without a second thought to wrap her arms around his waist. “And be safe,” she added as his arms settled around her shoulders.

“Of course,” he said warmly into her hair.

They stood like that for a moment or two before he broke away. “Gotta go,” he said ruefully.

She just snapped off a jaunty salute at him and let him go with a smile.

The minute she heard the quinjet scream past the window, she called out “Friday?”

The screen flashed to a split of two different news channels covering what looked like a real mess in DC. Apparently, a terrorist group had got a hold of some Chitauri based tech and was trying to stage a government coup.

Darcy let out a breath, just humans then.

But as she watched the quinjet set down and her friends pour out, she could feel her shoulders creeping up to her ears with tension.

And then they started firing these guns that just stopped any Avenger in their tracks. Not for long, moments really, but enough to be very dangerous.

And then she saw it happen. Steve had been consistently dodging the freezing blasts or deflecting with his shield, but then one got him right in the sternum, and a split second later, before he was moving again, a green blast hit him in the back.

She didn’t see him get up.

“Friday?” she asked frantically, “I can’t see him, where is he?”

“I’m sorry Ms. Lewis, he is not currently being captured by any cameras. However, I can tell you that the quinjet is still monitoring his vital signs, and he is alive.”

Her panic quieted a bit, but she was up and pacing. Just because he was alive at the moment didn’t mean he would stay that way. And he just couldn’t die. He couldn’t. He was Steve, he was her Steve and she…

“Ms. Lewis,” Friday caught her attention, “I have him on camera,” Friday had filled the screen with a grainy shot of Steve pulling himself to his feet and moving forward. It looked like the attackers had been cornered and the encounter was coming to an end. Relief flooded through her and left her dizzy.

She sat there staring until the coverage turned from live footage to hastily put together clips of they key points in the fight and commentary.

“Turn it off please,” she said to Friday dully.

“Can I call anyone Ms. Lewis, or do anything for you?” Friday asked quietly.

“No, thank you Friday, I’m fine,” she said, staring at her hands.

She took a deep breath. It wasn’t going to be all that long before the team was heading back. They would need first aid, because they never went to medical, and food, and distraction. She was used to doing all that.

But how was she going to do it now? How did that work now that she’d had the sudden and, in retrospect, very obvious revelation that she was head over heels in love with Steve Rogers?

**Veterans Day**

It wasn’t as hard as she had thought to treat Steve the same as always.

Really, if she was being honest, she had been trying to ignore her attraction to him from the beginning. There was a reason that she had pushed herself to go on dates she wasn’t excited about and never made it to a second date since she met him.

So what if she noticed a little more when he was close, blushed a bit more frequently, got a bit tongue tied and deflected at his casual flirtation and compliments. She could do this. This was going to be fine.

Also, she had been planning her veterans day gift to Steve and Bucky for months, so there was no way she was going to miss that.

She knocked on the door in the afternoon, when she could hear Steve and Bucky yelling at a football game or something from the hallway, two small bags behind their backs.

Steve opened the door, one eye back on the screen until he saw it was her. His focused shifted to her completely, and Darcy fought down a shiver.

“Happy Veterans day boys!” she said brightly, a mischievous grin on her face as she held out two very patriotic looking gift bags.

“Wasn’t aware this was a gift giving holiday, doll,” said Darcy from the couch with a raised eyebrow.

Darcy stuck out her tongue at him. Becoming friends with Steve had meant becoming friends with Bucky as well. He had an irreverence about him that Darcy appreciated. But he wasn’t as fun as Steve to prank. Steve had way more sincerity.

“Come on in Darce,” he said, “you really didn’t have to.”

“Oh, I did,” she said with glee and tossed one of the bags to Bucky.

“Why do I feel like I’m going to regret this,” said Bucky with a roll of his eyes as he pulled tissue paper off the top of the bag.

They both pulled their gifts out at the same time, taking it in and then immediately turning their gaze on her.

“You serious?” said Bucky, incredulously.

“Darce,” said Steve, a laugh bubbling up. “What…”

“Hey, you guys are part of the greatest generation, you should celebrate,” said Darcy, plucking the ball cap and shoving it unceremoniously onto Steve’s head.

Across the front in bold letters, it read “WW II Veteran”.

Steve looked over at Bucky for help, but he was half doubled over on the couch in suppressed laughter.

“I mean,” he said, gasping, “It’s accurate.” And then he tucked the cap on his head.

Steve sighed, but he was grinning madly.

“I don’t know why I put up with you,” he said shaking his head.

“Sure you do,” she said, reaching up to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind his ear under the cap, “I’m nice.”

He grabbed her hand, looking down at her warmly, “You’re sure somthin’…”

The moment dragged out, and Darcy couldn’t think of what she was supposed to do, her hand was engulfed in his and his skin was warm, and he was so focused on her.

Bucky cleared his throat and Darcy jumped, pulling her hand back.

“You know,” said Bucky, “If you two want me to make myself scarce, I’ll go watch the game in the common room. Lord knows you two have been dancing around each other for long enough.”

It wasn’t the first time Bucky had made this sort of comment, and Steve had always been quick to roll his eyes and dismiss it. So she had always been quick to follow his lead.

But this time, when Steve rolled his eyes and said, “give it a rest Buck, it’s not like that,” a pit of ice formed in her stomach.

She _knew_ that this is how things were. She knew that Steve was her friend. He was a great friend, and he flirted and called her pretty, but he had never given any indication that it went any farther than friendship.

But abstractly knowing it and having him shut down the very thought of it so quickly were two very different things.

“Anyways,” she said, hoping her voice didn’t sound as tight as it felt, “I’ll let you get back to the game.” She managed a grin as she stepped out of the apartment and closed the door behind her, hurrying into her own place and locking the door.

**Thanksgiving**

She didn’t see much of Steve over the next few weeks. He was out on a mission for most of it, and when he was around, she found reasons to be busy in the lab.

He could see him looking at her with concern every time she breezed past him in the hallway without stopping to chat, but she still couldn’t talk to him without feeling an icy pit of misery clawing up her throat. She would just have to keep her distance until she could get over it.

She prayed daily that this was something she could get over.

She was dreading thanksgiving, because there was no way she could avoid him at the big group thanksgiving dinner.

In the end, though, she kept herself busy in the kitchen and sat at the opposite end of the table and kept prompting Jane to talk to her about Science! It wasn’t exactly her most low stress thanksgiving ever, but she breathed a sigh of relief as she stood in the kitchen finishing the last of the dishes after dinner. She had made it without having to face him.

“Darce?” his voice came from the door to the kitchen as if summoned.

“Shit,” Darcy let out under her breath, and then winced. There was no way he didn’t hear that.

“Can I dry for you?” he said, approaching hesitantly.

“No worries,” she tried for chipper, but she thought it was maybe more manic. “I got it.”

Steve paused, and let out a sigh.

“I just…Darce, are you okay?”

There was such concern in his voice that it _hurt_. She put down the dish she was washing and turned to face him, her back against the counter.

“Yeah,” she said, trying a smile, “I’m good. Why?”

His eyebrows knit together, and then she saw his jaw tighten. It was his “resolve” face.

“Ever since veterans day, you’ve been avoiding me,” he said, searching her face, “and I can’t help but think that it was something I said, or…or what Bucky said.”

He must have seen something that looked like acknowledgement in her face, because he closed his eyes and she could see his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed heavily.

“I know he can be…tactless…” he tried, “but you know he doesn’t mean anything by it, right? He’s just joking. I just ignore him when he gets like that,” he tried for a light tone, but if fell flat.

And Darcy couldn’t even look at him, because boy did he have exactly the wrong end of the stick. This was only making her feel worse, and she felt tears burning behind her eyelids.

“I know,” she said tightly, “It’s fine.”

“It’s _not_ fine Darce,” Steve said, exasperation and worry in his voice. “You’ve disappeared. You haven’t gone on a date in a long time and you used to go all the time. You spend so much time in your apartment. I’m…” he blew out a breath, “I’m really worried Darce.”

It was prodding at the secret misery she was trying so hard to hide from him and everyone else.

“Since when is my dating schedule of such interest to you Rogers,” she snapped at him.

He lifted his hands in a placating gesture at her harsh words. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…I just want to know what I can do.”

“Well not everything is about _you_ Rogers,” she snarled. God if this conversation went on any longer, she was going to burst into tears, or pass out, or worse…tell him.

“Darce,” he sounded wounded and small, “I’m…”

“Just stop,” she said, and she could hear the desperation in her voice. “Please, just…” she swallowed a sob, “just leave me alone.”

He stood there for a long moment, and she could feel his eyes on her even though she was looking at the floor.

“Okay,” he said finally, sounding miserable, “okay.”

She heard him pause once on his way out, but she didn’t look up, and he kept going.

**Christmas**

For the first time in her life, Darcy just couldn’t find the Christmas spirit. The halls were decked, and everyone was sitting around the tree and opening presents and holiday specials were playing.

Tony “the Grinch” Stark had even made stockings for everyone, and her’s was there hanging over the fire with her name stitched into it in gold thread.

And she couldn’t ever remember feeling so miserable.

To make it worse, Steve looked just as miserable as she did.

It hurt, it really did, to see him like that. And to know that she put that expression on his face.

She wished she knew how to fix it. But he wanted his friend back, and it was becoming increasingly clear to Darcy that she couldn’t just be his friend anymore. Not right now. Not yet.

Any kind of discussion with him right now was only going to lead to her trying to cover her misery with anger, which would make things worse, or to her telling him the truth, which would make thing catastrophic.

She thought, maybe, with some distance, she could move on and they could be friends. But if he knew…he would be kind about it, of course. But things would never be the same. There would be no going back from that.

She wanted things to be the way they were. She knew she was important to him. She wasn’t a solider or a spy or a groupie, she was just Darcy. She couldn’t bear to see the look on his face if she told him she was just like everyone else, constantly wanting more from him.

So she bit her lip, she avoided eye contact, and she suffered through her most miserable Christmas ever.

Until about 5:00pm.

“Darcy,” Natasha cornered her as she was sneaking out of the common room to head back to her apartment to hide.

Darcy froze. She liked Natasha, she really did. And she knew the other woman was fond of her. But Natasha had some weird ideas about expressing friendship.

“Hey Nat,” she tried casually.

Natasha rolled her eyes. “Weak effort,” she said bluntly, “I know you’re miserable. And I know why.”

Darcy deflated, “Of course you do,” she said dully.

“Walk with me,” Natasha said, hooking her arm through Darcy’s and heading towards her apartment.

After a moment of silence, Natasha spoke again. “I also know that you’re making yourself miserable for no reason.”

Darcy looked over at Natasha in disbelief, “You think I want things to be like this?” she asked.

“No, of course not,” Natasha said kindly as they drew to a stop in the hallway between her apartment and Steve’s. “You are just so focused on the worst possible scenarios that you haven’t even considered that things could end up okay. Or even better than okay.” Natasha was looking at her warmly, a comforting hand on her elbow. Darcy thought it was the _softest_ Nat had ever been with her.

And then the madwoman slammed the panel to open Steve’s door, shoved in her, and the door whooshed shut behind her all before Darcy had a chance to make a sound.

“I love you both,” she called through the door, “but you’re not getting out until you short your shit out.” Darcy heard her whistling Christmas songs as she walked away.

“Friday?” Darcy tried plaintively.

“I’m afraid that Mr. Stark has overridden usual protocols and my instructions are to keep the door closed until he decides to open it or if there is an emergency.”

She let her head fall against the door with a thud. Then she took a deep breath and turned around slowly, pressing her back against the door.

Steve was sitting on the couch, his elbows on his knees, looking at her with a shattered expression.

He looked like he had been crying.

“Steve,” she said, taking a step towards him instinctively. He looked so lost.

“It’s okay,” he said, straightening up and swiping the back of his hand across his eyes. “It’s fine. They’ll let you out eventually. I’ll just go into the other room and…”

And suddenly she couldn’t stand it anymore. Steve was her friend. Steve was more than that. She _loved_ Steve. And still, she had done this to him. Telling him couldn’t be any worse than this. It just couldn’t.

It was like she was on autopilot, walking straight to him and winding her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest and listening to his heart beat like she had so many times before.

Steve let out a low noise and pulled her tighter to him, his head resting on top of hers.

They stood there for a long while before either of them spoke.

“Please Darce,” Steve said in a voice that cracked with emotion, “please just tell me what’s wrong.”

She pulled away from him, her eyes red rimmed and wet. She drew in a deep, shaky breath and nodded.

“Okay,” she said. “Okay.”

She stood there, her hands loosely at his hips, his arms resting on her shoulders, gathering her courage for a moment.

“I’m so sorry Steve. I’ve been so awful to you,” she started.

“Hey, no…” he tried, a hand coming up to cup the back of her head.

“Please,” she interrupted, taking a step away to get some distance, “Please just let me get this out.”

He nodded silently, his eyes focused on her with an intensity that sent a shiver up her spine.

“I tried so hard...I really did. I know that it’s important that I’m your _friend_. That I’m, you know, sort of normal, and uncomplicated, and low key. But I screwed up,” she said, her voice breaking over a sob. “I screwed up, and now it hurts so much to be around you, but it hurts to stay away too, and its hurting you, and I never wanted to do that Steve. I _never_ wanted to do anything but make you happy, but I can’t anymore. I just…I can’t,” she paused for a moment, gasping for air past her tight throat.

“Why _not?_ ” asked Steve intensely, stepping closer, “please, just, tell me what I did and I’ll fix it…I’ll, I’ll stop, I’ll back off, just…”

“I’m in love with you,” she finally blurted out.

It felt like even the air in the room stopped moving. Steve was looking at her with his mouth open in shock. She wrapped her arms around her middle, trying to prepare herself for what came next.

And then the klaxons sounded, the shrill noise tearing through the silence.

The door popped open.

But Steve was still standing there, _looking_ at her.

“Emergency,” she said tightly, gesturing to the door.

“Wheels up in five, Captain,” came Friday’s soft voice.

“I…” he started, his arm reaching out for her.

“Its okay,” she said, forcing a smile, “just go.”

He started for the door like he was dazed, his focus still on her. “We’ll…I’ll find you, as soon as I’m back,” he said, looking into her eyes as if trying to communicate something she couldn’t quite figure out.

“Yeah, sure,” she said lightly, “now go.”

“Hey,” he said, stepping towards her and wrapping his hand around her forearm, “I will find you as _soon_ as I’m back, okay?”

It was a dizzying sort of feeling he was giving her, so she just said “Okay,” as solidly as she could.

And then he was gone.

**New Years Eve**

One day had turned into two, which turned into three, and then all of a sudden it was New Years Eve and there was no word from the team other than Friday’s relayed message that they were alive but couldn’t check in.

Darcy didn’t think she’d slept more than an hour at a time since they left. But nevertheless, she was in an ornate bathroom in the lobby of a fancy hotel touching up her lipstick and straightening her dress.

Just because Tony Stark couldn’t attend the Stark Foundation New Year’s bash didn’t mean the rest of his employees were let off the hook. And Darcy wasn’t about to let Pepper handle it alone. Not while Tony was out of contact and in danger. Not for the first time she lamented the fact that they couldn’t have planned the bash another night and done New Years at the tower like last year.

She took one last look over her dress, a deep red with a scoop neckline and flared skirt, and squared her shoulders and headed in.

It was like torture. She was smiling and shaking hands and pretending to be interested in what the major donors had to say, but all she could think of was Steve, and whether he was safe, and what the hell she was going to say to him when he got back.

At about 11:30, Darcy felt her phone buzz in the pocket of her skirt. She immediately excused herself from conversation and pulled it out.

<Mission successful, team in-bound, five minutes outside of New York airspace – Friday>

Darcy felt like she was going to collapse from relief. She also felt like her stomach was going to crawl out of her throat with anxiety. This meant she was going to have to talk to Steve tomorrow.

She got caught up in conversation twice before she finally made it out onto a small shadowed balcony, desperate for some fresh air.

She distantly heard a bit of a commotion, but resolutely ignored it, breathing deeply with her hands clenched on the railing.

“Hey,” she heard a voice, deep and tired, from behind her. She whirled around.

Steve was standing there. He must have rushed straight here after landing. Although he clearly stopped to put on a tux. His bow tie was skewed and his hair looked windswept.

“What….” She stammered, “what are you doing here?”

“Natasha told me where you were,” he said, walking towards her, _focused_ on her.

“No I mean,” she scrambled, “you just got in, I didn’t expect…”

“I said,” he cut her off, “that I would find you as soon as I was back.” He was close enough to her now that she could smell a hint of aftershave and underneath it the tang of sweat and gunpowder.

“Oh,” she said weakly. “How was the…”

“It was fine,” he said stopping directly in front of her, his hands tucked in his pockets. “It’s my turn to talk now,” he said, something deep and serious in his voice that made the hair on her arms stand up.

“Oh…Okay,” she said, swallowing nervously.

“I’ve wanted you from the first moment I saw you, standing in the hallway with your bunny slippers on,” he said bluntly.

She froze. “Wh…what?”

“Still my turn,” said Steve, but there was a smile at the corner of his mouth now.

“But you seemed completely uninterested in me like that,” he said, “you always kept this….this distance. And you asked me my opinion on your date outfits for chrissakes,” he ran his hand through his hair with a wry grin. “And that was okay with me, it really was. It was hard sometimes, not to touch you, or tell you how beautiful you are. But it was okay. But Darce,” he swallowed, “when you shut me out, it…it really hurt.”

“Steve,” she lifted her arm to grab his elbow, unable to stay silent in the face of the pain in his voice.

He shook his head at her, “I get it now. I do. Because when I thought about you not being around anymore, when I thought about this being over, I realized that it wasn’t just that I want you.”

Steve’s words were spinning around in her head and slowly settling into some sort of sense, and she could feel an electric rush building within her, a feeling so big she didn’t know if she could hold it all.

“I’m in love with you too,” he said, finally, _finally_ , reaching out to touch her, a hand tucking her hair behind her ear and then resting on her shoulder, “and I have been for so, so long.”

Darcy could hear the countdown in the hazy distance.

“I am _so_ stupid,” she said with feeling, stepping into him, her arms resting on his chest.

“Never,” he said softly.

The crowd roared behind them as the clock struck midnight.

“Steve,” she said, feeling like she was floating as she looked up at him.

“Hm?”  he said softly, his fingers at her neck making small circles on her skin.

“If you don’t kiss me right now I cannot be held responsible for the repercussions.”

He grinned at her, bright and wide and _Steve_ in a way she hadn’t seen in months.

And then he leaned in and kissed her.

She had wondered what it would be like many times. What kind of kisser would he be? Would he be shy? Or forceful? But now that it was happening, she knew all of that had been foolish. Because it was him, and it was her, and it was always going to be perfect.

The moment their lips touched she felt a bolt of desire shoot straight down her spine, warming her to her toes. She slipped her hands around his waist and stood on her tiptoes to press even closer to him, nipping at his lower lip, gasping as he pressed past her parted lips, chasing the kiss.

Without really noticing how he did it, he had her perched on the balcony rail, bring her closer to his height, his arm wrapped safely around her back as he kissed her like he was drowning, like there would never be anything else but this, like they were joined and whole.

She gasped for air when they finally pulled apart. Steve’s cheeks were flushed, his breath coming just as hard as hers.

“So,” she said, feeling shaky and keyed up and _wonderful_ , “that went pretty well.”

Steve laughed, dropping his forehead to hers, “Yeah, I’d say we’re pretty good at it.”

She hopped down from the balcony, which pressed them together down the length of their bodies.

“You wanna get out of here? See what else we might be good at?” she looked up at him, suddenly a bit nervous.

She needn’t have been though.  He let out a harsh breath.

“God, yes.”

She barely had time to wave at Natasha as he pulled her out the front door, but she was pretty sure the other woman had mouthed “told you so” as they passed.

**New Years Eve**

“It’s nice,” said Steve, his breath against her hair as they swayed together on the tower balcony.

“What’s nice?” she asked as she absently fiddled with his pocket square. Thankfully they were celebrating the New Year at home, but Steve had wanted to go the full nine anyways.

“S’like everyone is throwing huge parties for our anniversary” he said.

Darcy chuckled, “Well obviously,” she smiled up at him, “we’re pretty awesome.”

“You are,” he said, moving a bit farther away from her, as one hand dropped to his pocket. “How do you feel about adding one more celebration to the list?”

“Hm?” she asked, confused. Steve looked a bit nervous come to think of it. And then all of a sudden, he was down on one knee with a box containing the single most gorgeous ring she had ever seen open in front of him.

“Marry me?” he asked, as if there was any doubt, as if she might say no.

“Yes.”


End file.
